


...For I Have Sinned

by Kaidan



Category: Vikings (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-06
Updated: 2013-05-06
Packaged: 2017-12-10 13:34:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/786608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaidan/pseuds/Kaidan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When he dreams, he doesn't remember his vows.</p>
            </blockquote>





	...For I Have Sinned

He says his prayers each night before he sleeps. Whether out of faith or merely habit now, he cannot say, but he gives them silently and crawls into bed, willing sleep to come. It always does.

 

Some nights it is the same: a nightmare that wakes him mid-night, sweating and trembling and wanting to cry out to his god, to know why He would let him be taken as he has been, to be brought to this savage land where they spit on his god and speak of their own numerous heathen gods. Every dawn after would find him staring at the wooden walls of the Lothbrok farm home, unable to fall back to sleep during the night.

 

Tonight is different.

 

In his dreams he hears them laugh to each other, hears the unmistakable sounds of fornication between man and woman, the sinful noises they make for one another. No amount of praying can distract him from it, no matter how hard he tries. It is a grotesque thing to hear, but surely a trial He has placed upon the monk, to test his willpower to resist temptation. Tonight is different.

 

He hears them whisper his name, calling for him, reaching for him. Feels them touch him, their fingertips feather soft despite the calluses and wear from hard use. He hears them clearly, the shield maiden and the warrior calling to the monk, enticing him to their bed. No amount of praying can keep him from saying no, just this once. They speak words of encouragement, whisper dirty promises in his ears, and fill his eyes with sinful sights for which his God could never forgive him. They show him how to do things he swore he would never do. He allows them to teach him the ways of fleshly sin, and he allows himself the pleasure of enjoying it. He lets them take, and he asks for more. He lies with them as no man should ever lie with another, and no amount of praying can make him feel shame.

 

Tomorrow is different.

 

He wakes feeling hot and sticky with guilt, avoids looking at the family, says nothing, almost does nothing. He washes himself and his clothes in the icy waters beyond the farm, but no matter how much he bathes, how much he scrubs himself, he cannot rid himself of the memory, cannot undo what has already been done, subconsciously or not. He hears his name called from the house and he responds in turn to the Viking. Ragnar Lothbrok stands there with his wife, giving their priest a curious look. He allows himself to stare in turn before he dons his half soaked clothes and trudges back up the path to them.

 

No amount of praying can change what has happened and perhaps it never will. Maybe tonight will be different.

**Author's Note:**

>  **Prompt:** [Athelstan(/Ragnar and/or Lagertha), dreaming](http://vikingskink.livejournal.com/444.html?thread=139708#t139708)  
> 


End file.
